


not said to me.

by bittertofu



Series: thirty-five ways he said 'i love you.' [10]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 19:13:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11042523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bittertofu/pseuds/bittertofu
Summary: He didn't care. He wouldn't.





	not said to me.

**Author's Note:**

> a series of drabbles.
> 
> thanks again for the lovely comments!!! <3

 

Hours into Mementos brought them no closer to understanding what might lie at the end of it all. Maybe the core of the earth, maybe the end of the world. Maybe nothing but the satisfaction of reaching the bottom.

Either way, Akechi was tired. He hadn't sleep well the night before—a double whammy of prepping for an upcoming quiz and finishing up the paperwork for a case he'd solved just a few days prior—so he wasn't sure why he'd smiled and agreed to go into Mementos at all. He told himself it was his duty, keeping an eye on the Phantom Thieves' activities, but really, he just couldn't bear the thought of staying at home alone all evening and studying for even one more minute. Considering how spent he was now, though, he wondered if maybe that wouldn't have been for the best.

To his horror, his head kept dipping forward in the car. He dragged behind the others in fights, taking Joker's orders a fraction slower than normal, his attacks missing more often than not. His inadequacies weren't lost on the group, who kept casting frustrated glances at him, albeit saying nothing. Joker didn't chastise him, only pat him on the shoulder and told him not to worry about it. That was more frustrating than if Joker had just asked what the hell was wrong with him. That _sympathy_ grated on him. It felt too much like _pity_.

It all came to a head when a group of Shadows took them by surprise. Honestly, Akechi was the only one running on depleted energy, but two of the Shadows kept healing the others, and one of them kept making a horrendous face that struck fear into the hearts of all but Akechi (he'd seen worse and much worse, things to give him nightmares in the dead dark). He shook Joker out of it, shook him by the shoulders and slapped him with a paper fan, but still, Joker trembled. Pushed Akechi behind him, as if Akechi was the one who needed guarding from the wretched things of the world (hah).

Makoto fled. Ryuji fled. Morgana, Haru and Yusuke fled. Only Ann remained, sweating hard, gritting her teeth through her terror. For a rare moment, Akechi admired her. It took a certain kind of strength to battle fear like that. And then a Shadow lunged at Akira, and Akechi couldn't move quickly enough.

He saw it in slow motion, his heart beating even slower. His hand reached out, and in that instant, Akechi felt without a doubt he would throw himself between Joker and whatever threatened him. It horrified him, that certainty, made him sick to his stomach, but he'd do it, if only he could.

“Joker!” he cried out, as if with his voice alone he could save him.

Ann Takamaki pushed Joker out of the way. Summoned her Persona in a blazing light and burned the oncoming Shadow to a crisp. With a flourish, Joker shot down the Shadows that remained, and together, Ann and Joker destroyed them all. They vanished in wisps of black smoke, utterly annihilated.

Akechi fell to his knees, heart beating fast. His mind replayed everything in high speed, sticking and sticking on the dread he felt when Joker almost...almost...

He put his hands to the sides of his head, shook it back and forth. What was wrong with him? What the _hell_ was wrong with him?

“Ann!” Joker cried, picking Ann up in a tight embrace, spinning her in a wild, elated circle. Akechi froze. “Ann, I love you!”

Ann laughed, wrapping her arms tight around his neck, relief softening her previously rigid features. And she was beautiful, so beautiful, with her happy, giddy smile.

When Akira turned his head, murmured something directly into Ann's ear, Akechi couldn't, wouldn't watch anymore. Something tightened in his throat, in his chest.

It's nothing, he thought, darkly, bitterly. What Akira had said to him so many times, in so many ways, was nothing. The word “love” could be used liberally by anyone, at any time, so why should it be any different when Akira said it to him? He should have known better, really. His fan girls told Akechi they loved him all the time. He got scores of love letters that he tossed out on a near daily basis.

“Love.” It was nothing. Nothing at all.

Akechi wiped off his saber, slipped it back into its sheath. When he stood, he wobbled on his feet. Akira caught him before he could fall over (just when had he moved to Akechi's side?), but Akechi lightly pushed him away.

“I'm fine,” said Akechi, short, curt, and the question on Akira's face made irritation bubble inside of him.

He walked away to check on the others, murmuring what he hoped were comforting words to them to get them to settle down. Ryuji was the easiest, shook off his shaking like he was warming up for a run. Haru was the most difficult. She curled into herself on the ground, shaking her head back and forth, back and forth.

“It was horrible,” she muttered. “Just so...horrible.”

“I know,” Akechi soothed. “I know. But it's over, now.”

Akira decided then that they were done for the day. Best to head back and regroup. Futaba comforted Haru as best she could, had her arm wrapped around Haru's waist while relating funny things she'd seen cats do on the internet. Haru laughed, a little. That was good.

Not that it mattered, Akechi thought, quickly. Not that I care. He shouldn't, not after what he did to her father.

Her father...

“You look upset,” Akira whispered to him in the car. “You sure you're okay?”

Akechi straightened in his seat, turned to smile at the boy beside him. Even he could feel how false his smile really was.

“No need to worry about me,” said Akechi, voice dripping honey. “I've dealt with worse.”

And that was all he could manage to say to Akira for the rest of the ride out of Mementos. Couldn't even look at him. Couldn't look at Ann.

By the time they made it out, Akechi was so dizzy, he wondered how he would make it home. Akira offered to walk him, as he usually did, but as Akechi usually did, he declined. This time, the decline was more brusquely offered. Akira studied him with a small frown, a look that made Akechi's insides twist with rage and bitter disgust.

It shouldn't bother him so much, he told himself. There was nothing to be bothered about.

But he was bothered, and it frustrated him.

He didn't greet Akira at the station the next day. He didn't visit Leblanc. Akira texted him, but he ignored that, too. The less personal communication he had with Akira, the better. Travel to Mementos. Travel to Sae Niijima's Palace. Say as little as possible. Feel even less.

Akechi hardened himself against Akira's sweet words, which he knew now were as empty as air. Honestly, he should have hardened himself to them all along. He was a fool. He'd let himself get too invested.

If Akira looked a little hurt, if Akira looked a little disappointed, well, that wasn't Akechi's problem. He'd continue on as always, monitoring the Phantom Thieves, monitoring Akira from a relative distance. It was for the best. His plan was in motion, and nothing, nothing, would get in the way of that.

 


End file.
